There may come a time when the tooth fairy “forgets” to visit your newly gap-toothed child, which could lead to confusion, resentment, or hurt feelings. “Why didn’t the tooth fairy take my tooth?” your sad child will ask you with big, teary eyes, fingering the tooth they discovered untouched beneath their pillow the next morning—and then, kicking yourself for having that extra before-bed glass of wine and not remembering to do your “duty,” you’ll have to answer on the fly. Because it happens to the best of us, but also because it can be tricky navigating your child’s disappointment while continuing to foster their belief, I’m sharing three ways to handle it if, for whatever reason, the tooth fairy doesn’t show.
1. Remind your child that the tooth fairy isn’t Santa Claus—she isn’t all-powerful.
While they are both magical figures, the tooth fairy and Santa Claus differ in a few important ways. Christmas happens on the same day every year, meaning Santa Claus delivers presents on the same day every year. He knows it’s coming and has plenty of time, a whole year, to prepare. The tooth fairy, on the other hand, can’t predict when a child is going to lose their tooth. If a whole bunch of children lose teeth on the same day, she might struggle to get to all of them in one night. There could be time zone issues, or traffic issues, right? Or maybe she had the flu! She doesn’t have elves, after all, the way jolly old Saint Nick does.
2. Encourage your child to write a letter to the tooth fairy—maybe she just didn’t know.
Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, the busy tooth fairy might “miss” the momentous instant a child loses a tooth. When this happened in our household, I suggested to my daughters that they write the tooth fairy a letter to remind her. The letters allowed my girls to express their disappointment in a healthy way, while also giving the tooth fairy an opportunity to respond. Any time the tooth fairy “forgot” to visit our house overnight, you could bet she’d left an apology letter of her own, plus the promised “prize,” on the kitchen table by the time my kiddos got home from school the next day.
3. Use your mistake as a teaching opportunity—earning interest on an investment.
Among the many other values I work to instill in my girls, I preach financial literacy. I want them to understand how money works and be responsible with it, not greedy or afraid of it. Even though I did not practice this at the time, I think it’s a great idea if the tooth fairy forgets to visit one night, to make up for it the next day by leaving double the usual gift: a half-dollar, for example, instead of a quarter, or a dollar bill decorated with stickers. This is “interest” your kids can “earn” by continuing to “invest” in patience, hope, and faith. Good things come to those who wait!
Okay, Jennifer, but what if my child stops believing because the tooth fairy failed to show?
Your response here should depend on your child. Sometimes it’s helpful to explain that although the tooth fairy isn’t “flesh and blood,” she’s absolutely “real” in your imagination. Other times, it’s best to own up to the truth. You’re the tooth fairy, and yes, you forgot—but it doesn’t mean you don’t love your child or aren’t proud of them for reaching this great milestone!
BONUS: One more activity to ease the sting of disappointment!
The tooth fairy doesn’t have elves to help her, but in my children’s book UNDER MY PILLOW, the tooth fairy has Gordy, her pet bird, who helps her collect teeth and distribute presents. Ask your child what other kinds of helpers they think the tooth fairy might have and invite them to draw a picture of their answer. Does the tooth fairy have winged giraffe helpers or robot helpers? A bunch of sisters or perhaps friendly bears? Time to get creative!
